If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I lost the right to judge tonight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
