My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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