I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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