I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
