big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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