the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
