Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
