Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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