I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
