Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
