I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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