I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
