so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize