Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
