there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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