that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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