Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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