there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
