I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
