he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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