Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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