Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
