I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
