i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
