my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
