The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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