this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
