There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
And then he peed in my hair
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