I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize