So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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