i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
