She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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