so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
