Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So squirting runs in the family.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize