So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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