I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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