why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize