Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
