i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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