Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
