He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
