tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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