Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
