I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
nutella sex= disaster
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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