There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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