There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
