shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Text me some of your sweat
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