and you said cock pushups were impossible
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
