My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
