he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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