you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So drunk its hurt
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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