Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize