I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
