I wish I only lived at night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
