I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
