her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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