He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
