Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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