Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
