I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
