im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
