Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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