anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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