i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize