ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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