im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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