She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
