Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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