now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
