Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
