I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
