he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize