I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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