I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
