Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
