I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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