The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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