Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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