Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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