Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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