I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
