I accidentally burped into my bong.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
