he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
