I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
