I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
