Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
