she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he fucked my hip out of place.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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