he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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