I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
