Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
