i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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