I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize