Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
