walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
